"Suppressed Desire"

On the first night of MIC101 lecture the professor passed out a blank green sheet of paper to every student in class. My microbio class is a lecture hall class (around 150-200 students), so it was surprising when he told us to write our name, email, major, interest and suppressed desire. He read all of them and even read some of the interesting suppressed desires at the beginning of the second lecture.

I know my ultimate suppressed desire...and it's frustrating that it's been put in the back of my mind, shadowed by my responsibilities and obligations. My art, my creativity, one of my greatest needs in life has been sealed in a box for almost all of my undergraduate years. It's hurts when I have ideas and projects pop into my head and I know I don't have time to produce them. And even if I made time, I couldn't put the amount effort I want into them. Aside from the sculpture class I took during my first quarter at Davis, the art I've made is lousy. People might say it's good...but in my mind it's not. It's not. Sucks that I can only pursue one passion at a time. Well, need to push those ideas further back into my mind.

i tried to like physics this quarter. tried....
someone once said to me that "you have to have a special brain to get physics." i totally agree.

ok..so i can't take the sleep deprivation anymore. i dropped biochem. taking 13 units. it's still 3 hard core science classes though! 3 labs! i'm ok with that. i might end up becoming a fifth year. at minimum i'll be taking summer classes both summer sessions next year. i'm ok with that. i know i freak out ever quarter because i always try to challenge myself with a tough course load..and i always end up dropping a class. lesson: only take what i know i can handle. regarding school, in the fight-or-flight response, i tend to choose flight when it comes to heavy course loads.

in other news, i'm 70% leaning towards becoming a nurse now. blood, guts and germs excite me. pills....not so much. they're still cool though.

caffeine makes my cells happy...usually