I'm not behind

It's taking me a long time to realize that I'm not behind in schoolwork. When I started back at Davis last quarter, I started meeting people who were returning to college after a break, or who were taking their time getting their degree. I need to accept that there is no ideal time to finish college (well, disregard the economy for this blog). The majority may get their bachelor's in 4 years, but that doesn't mean that I have to. I think I just hate the idea of staying in Davis longer.

I'm still aiming to graduate in 2010, but I need to work on enjoying life. Maybe I try so hard because I don't want to set myself up for failure later on; I want to make it easier later on. I resent people who can be so carefree. Why can't I manage school+life? *sigh* Or if I am managing it, I never feel like I'm doing it well enough.

Today, I met this guy at physics office hours. He's a third year too. He has no clue what he wants to do with his life, but he was so relaxed about his situation. He's only taking 10 units this quarter and he's even planning to take a quarter or two off to figure himself out. Maybe I'm just wrapped up in the work-alcoholic-American-motto; time is money. Well, in my situation money is health (my own that is). College is a time to discover oneself, but I always get caught up in the rush of the "work, work, work!" value. I scramble for work yet sometimes I don't know what I'm working on anymore.

I'm only 20, but always feel like doom is lurking around the corner if I don't make a set choice on what I'm going to do when I "grow up."