Dear Fear, Please go away.

Fear has always been my greatest weakness. When I was 4 or 5 I quit ballet because trying to stretch my limbs to do the splits hurt and I was fearful that what came next would be worse. When I was 7 or 8, I quit Girl Scouts because my local group was canceled and I feared that I wouldn't get along with the a new group. In 4th grade I quit violin because I sucked at it..that has nothing to do with fear...it just goes along with my quiting streak. I quit piano after elementary school...because I didn't want to practice anymore.

Getting back to my fear, I quit a lot of stuff because I get scared and run. Looking back, I think I quit being premed because I feared of failing. I quit physics the first time I enrolled in fear that I would fail my first class (even though it was only the first week of school). Am I quitting prepharm because I fear that I won't get into my desired school? Do I fear not being able to find a job in the long run? Do I fear that I won't have enough time to devote to my life outside of work? Or am I only reconsidering prepharmacy in fear that I won't succeed with nursting? I'm back at the point where I have no clue what I'm doing with my life. I say I have passion in the healthfield, but do I really? Is this passion just another lie for me to go through with it?

I blogged about my suppressed desire yesterday, and it got me thinking...did choose Davis over an art school because I was afraid to be different from what people want me to be? Maybe.

I don't think the path of life ever gets 100% clear. This is especially true if I keep attempting to run and hide.

Let me back track and reanswer..

Prepharmacy?...probably not...I'm convinced that I lied to myself.
Premed?...no. I really should stop asking myself this.
Prenursing? *sigh* I don't know. I love anatomy. I love physiology. I love talking to patients and seeing their progress. Something is holding me back from screaming, "Yes! Yes! I'm want to be a nurse!" Maybe it's because I told myself I wouldn't be a nurse 3 years ago. ..so I have no clue if I'm set with this.
PrePA? I wish this road was a little more direct. Like I've said before, maybe after nursing school..if I choose nursing.

Art? YES! YES! YES! *stuffs the desire back into the lock vault* Someday, someday....it must wait...

Choices...choices...I need to step forward and stop being afraid of that road that seems to be leading to no where....