Elders Say the Darnest Things

[Bustrip to the movies to see "Indiana Jones"]

[lunch on the bus]

A.T.: "Do you want a ham or tuna sandwich, D--?"

D--: "Do you have any roast beef?"

A.T.: "No, just ham and tuna, D--."

D--: "I want roast beef. Now you know I don't have anything but roast beef. Who can help with getting the luxury of roast beef!!"

A.T.: "Well, I'm sorry, D--, but we didn't bring roast beef on this trip."

D--: "What do you mean?! I want roast beef. [other gibberish]."

A.T.: "Do you want pudding, D--?"

D--:"Sure. I can do with some pudding. [other gibberish]"

-------

Me:"What would you like in your coffee, D--. Sugar? Cream?"

D--"Oh, give me all the fixings! Sugar and cream! This lady hear will have her with just some sweetener *tilts her head towards the women sitting to her right*"

Me: "Is that what you want, ma'am. Just sweetener. No cream?"

Ma'am(I forgot her name):"WHAT?!"

Me: "What would you like in your coffee!? Sugar!? Cream!?"

Ma'am:"Coffee? Yes, I wants some coffee."

Me: "Would you like sugar and cream in your coffee?!"

Ma'am: "Sugar?? No, just make it black."

-------- (after pouring the coffee)

D--:"Where's my coffee? I hope she put some sugar and cream in that coffee (talking to whoever is listening). God knows I can't have my coffee without sugar and cream. [other gibberish]"

Me: "Here's your coffee. Sugar and cream, just like you asked."

D--"Oh!!! Bless your heart! I can't have coffee without sugar and cream. Now why don't you sit yourself down and have yourself some lunch. Be sure to get the roast beef. There's nothing like roast beef."

Me: "uhhhhh....ok" (i didn't want to get her upset about not having roast beef on the trip again)

A.T. "She's always like that. Just a glimpse of what I have to deal with, Kim."

D--:[continues to gibber-gabber]

---------[boarding the bus after the movie]

S--:"Oh, can I have a coke?"

A.T.:"Your coke is right next to you, S--."

S--:"Oh no, but I want some coke."

A.T.:"S--, your coke is right there. *points to coke can sitting next to S--*"

S--:"Oh, can I get two cups?"

A.T.:"No. You can drink your coke when we're back at the hospital. I don't want you spilling."

Me: *I turn around after helping a patient with their seatbelt and see S--'s coke spilled*

[after cleaning up the spill]

S--:"Can I have a coke?"

C.N.A.(certified nurse assistant): "I'll give you a new coke when we get back home, S--"

S--:"Oh, but I'm ok with an open one."

C.N.A.: "I'll get you a new one when we get back. Ok, S--?"

S--:"No. It's okay. I want the one that's already open."

C.N.A.: "You spilled the one that was open, S--"

S--:"Oh, but I'm okay with the open one."

C.N.A.: "No, S--. You spilled it. I'll get you a new coke later. Later, okay?"

S--:"Okay."

[30 seconds later]

S--:"Oh, can I have a coke?"

Note: S-- is the same women that kept asking for napkins during the Legion of Honor bus trip.