Back to E4

I arrived on L4 at 10:00. I had to wait a few minutes because the AT just ran out the ward. She didn't have much for me to do since the patients on her unit are pretty independent. They get discharged pretty quickly too. She had me glue some decorations on the May calendar and stamp some papers while she ran off to a meeting. She brought Simon the therapy cat up after lunch, but there were only 3 patients. She took me around the hospital again (she did that in the morning too) to ask if anybody else needed help. Two other volunteers arrived and she handed them over to another AT. We bumped into the AT I worked with yesterday and she immediately took me in her unit. Since all of E4's bed were full, it's obvious that she needed help. She was head-high in paperwork that was all due today. Her patients are "very demanding" too, so she had to keep running around tending to them (or telling them "No! Can't you see I have all paperwork! It's the last day of the month and I need to get all this finished!"). I would totally get annoyed too if I had a bunch of stuff to do and people kept bothering me. This one patient that I met yesterday wanted to watch TV. He did this yesterday too, but the AT shooed him away. I felt bad for her because she looked so stress. I decided to stay an extra hour to help her with some charting. She mentioned that if I ever need a letter or recommendation that she would write one for me. It's only the second day I've worked with her! E4 is great though. It keeps me busy.

I got labeled Korean again today. One of the patients that was playing with Simon kept pointing at me and told her physical therapist something in Chinese. The PT asked if I was Korean. Haha...the patient said had "Korean eyes" (second time in a week!) Someone asked if I was Japanese today too. Jeez.

___________

If you haven't heard about Amtrekker, you gotta check out his website!

www.amtrekker.com

I wish I had the guts to do something similar to what he's doing. It looks so fun. I have a list of 10 things I want to do before I die but I'm not going to go hurry off and have them checked off. Anyways, Amtrekker is in the city today!! KAKOW!!!!

Bus Trip of Tough Love

WHOO HOO! Today was my first LLH bus trip! I got to spend the day with some of the gentleman of E4! I got to LLH around 9:30, so that the volunteer coordinator could walk me up to the unit and introduce me to the activity therapist. I stood around awkwardly while she tried to round off the guys that wanted to go. It took about half an hour loading all the patients onto the bus. I was told that we were going to Kennedy Park. I googled it up last night because I had no clue where that was. Union City popped up and I doubted that we were going all the way to Hayward. It turns out that we did go to Hayward. The bus stopped in South San Fran so that we could pick up some chicken for lunch. Then, we bumped our way down the San Mateo bridge to Hayward (It was an extremely bumpy ride. I saw the poor guy in the back bounce his head throughout the trip). Since there were 11 patients (more than what the AT anticipated) and only 4 people looking after them, all we did was sit on the bus and eat lunch. Kennedy Park has a petting zoo. I felt bad that the men could go see the animals. When we stopped at McDonald's to get some ice cream, one of the patients asked me when we were going to the park. I seriously thought the bus was going to turn back around after ice cream. The bus did turn around, but it headed towards the freeway instead. Whoops. We got back to LLH around 3:15. The other unit that had another bus trip was stuck on twin peaks because of the bus broke down. Good thing they were still in the city. I would hate it if our bus did that in Hayward. Once we got back, I decided to stay a bit longer and do the events calendar for May. The AT seemed tired, so I let her rest. Gah, throughout the trip she made fun of how the men acted out because of me. A little disturbing but I joined in with the laughs.

One of the other volunteers was on the trip to help her twin brother. Really nice lady. The other person was a CNA; He was really flamboyant. The AT was a bit loud herself, but I think that it was needed. If she didn't joke around and give the men some tough love, the bus trip wouldn't have been as fun. I guess her character made up for not being able to go out onto the park.

Chinese? Korean?

No, sorry..I'm Vietnamese. Throughout my life, people have assumed that I'm anything but Vietnamese. I have to admit that I don't connect with my heritage that well, but still. If I have black hair and brown eyes, why do you assume that I know Chinese? Yes, I have some Chinese running in my blood, but I don't mark off the "Chinese" box on forms that ask for ethnicity.
It wasn't until I started college that people asked if I was Korean. Just because my name is Kim doesn't mean that I'm Korean. A CNA told me yesterday that it was because of my eyes. I've never got that before...Korean eyes.
Even when I tell some people they don't believe me. "Really? You're Vietnamese? But you're so white!" No, sorry..I'm Asian (I don't actually say this). Hey! I take pride of my paleness. I'm the crazy kid that use to carry around an umbrella on sunny days! (I should start doing that again) Just because I don't look a certain way don't assume that I'm something else. I don't even care what you are! Just as long as you're a decent person I'm good with you.

good day gone bad?

Don't you hate it when little things make a day that could have been perfectly good go bad? That's how life is though. There are rarely any days that are perfect. Life keeps you on your toes, throws you challenges. You just need to become greater than these situations and deal with them.

Today wasn't a bad day. There are just little things that made my day not perfect.

This morning I was scheduled for registration at a community college. As I predicted, I didn't get my "perfect" schedule. The situation has brought me to a difficult decision. What class do I try to add because the times conflict? What happens if I try to add and the professor ends up not letting me? What if I lose my chance with the other class I wanted to add? Do I apply for readmission with Davis now? If I get into ochem then I won't go back until W09 but if I get into physics I have to go back during F08. If I apply now then I might be able to register for classes sooner but I don't know if I'm going to get into ochem! I realize this is confusing even when I've typed it down, so sorry if you read this and ended up with a "huh?!" To sum things up, I don't know what to do. It's not the end of the world if I get pushed back in academics a little more, but it would be nice to get things straightened out.

Another problem has arised involving school. Davis has billed me again. After reading the bill, rereading it, and comparing it to the online bill, things don't add up (or subtract down). I have to call them tomorrow to figure this out. It's stupid enough that they're making me pay for half of last quarter (stupid Davis and it's only one type of withdrawal form). Now, they're making me pay for who knows what.

Now to the good part of my day. My first day back at LLH felt so rewarding and brightened up my spirits throughout the majority of the day. I'm not sure if my supervisor knew why I was gone for a month but I think she does. When she saw me walk in she said "I'm so glad you're okay. I got the email that you would be coming back today." I told the volunteer coordinator where I was and why I could complete my first week, but I wasn't sure if I should have explained to my supervisors. Actually, I couldn't have told them because all the numbers I got for their units turned out to be wrong or disconnected. So, I'm not sure if I should have told the volunteer coordinator how to explain to my supervisors. Anyways, the patient that I've mentioned in my first LLH post has moved to another unit! My supervisor said it was because he was ok speaking English and it was hard for him being the only Vietnamese patient on the Asian-American unit. I was going to ask her if I could pay him a visit but I knew she was going to take me to the unit instead of just telling me where he moved. I didn't want her to go to the trouble. Maybe on a day when she has nothing for me to do. My first task was helping one of the men with his English lesson. I've helped him before but he didn't remember me. I wouldn't blame him; It's been a month. He's a sweet guy. My supervisor was really impressed when I told him I could understand him fine. Apparently, she's never talked to him in English so she never knew how his English was. I have to say that I'm impressed too. He has the willingness to learn and he tries his best to talk to me. When I came back from break, I asked him how lunch was, which lead to a brief convo about how he was waiting for coffee ("Coffee everyday at 1:30"). I helped out my supervisor handing out Sara Lee pound cake and diet cokes (lucky patients, they get Sara Lee!). After that, I wrote out the events for May on a poster and took a couple of patients out for a stroll to the library. I'm pretty sure that I'm not really needed around the unit. I think it just a bonus that I'm there though. I get to report how patients are progressing and how they are in general. Nurses might not pick up on certain things because they deal with so many patients at a time. Plus, I enjoy it. I like the Asian-American unit, but I look forward to volunteering with an English speaking unit tomorrow. Wait, I don't know what the theme is for the units I'm on Tuesday and Wednesday so I shouldn't say that just yet. Watch it's a Spanish unit and I get totally lost.

After volunteering, I was planning to walk home instead of taking the bus. I ended up going to Sharon's to pick up my mail instead. I seriously need to go to the post office to fill out the "change of address" form so they stop sending stuff to the apartment in Davis. When I got home, I immediately turned on my computer and changed my address with Davis. At least I won't get any bills late now. (Side note: Thanks Becky for bringing back my mail!) Sharon and I ended up talking about school, professors that digress, TV and animals. Oh! Animals! When I was writing out the May events at LLH, there was some weird segment about goats that climb trees on Animal Planet. Goats that climb trees! How do goats climb trees?! They have hooves! No imposable thumbs! HOW?! I'm going to google it after this post. Thanks Sharon for the the gummy bears and for keeping my mail safe!

____________________________

Edit...

Here's the best explanation I found after searching for 3 minutes.

http://www.smm.org/buzz/blog/goats_in_trees

Yeah...I hope your not buying goat poop, ladies.

Darn, I missed the Big Bang Theory and HIMYM. Actually, I caught the last 30 seconds of HIMYM. Haha..goat..what a cowinkeedink.

Experience Hunting

After the symposium last week I decided to try to get a pharm tech license. I applied for Walgreen's since they compensate for the exam and training cost. I doubt that I'll land a job though. I went to a Walgreen's to finish my online application, since there's a section that they make you come to a store to finish. When I talked to the pharmacist manager he sort of looked like they weren't hiring. I applied to only 2 stores since it's their max. Meh, if I get it, then "yay!" If I don't then I'll still shoot for the exam. Unfortunately, the registration for June has passed so I have to wait until August.

I also went to my pharmacy to ask the owner if I could volunteer for him. I asked his wife in December but she immediately said "no volunteers." I left my resume with her anyway. It turns out that her husband told my dad that it would be ok in January, but my father never told me. I guess he didn't want me to commute every weekend just for a few hours of pill counting and bottle labeling. Hopefully, the pharmacist will call me because I left my resume with them again today.

I start volunteering again with LHH on Monday. YAY!

How can you put a price on health?

I'm so grateful that I have health insurance! The bill for the treatment I got about 3 weeks ago showed up in the mailbox yesterday. Let's just say that the cost totaled to more than the 4 year education I'll be enduring at UC if I didn't get financial aid. A one day stay in a room is double what I paid to live in the dorms for a quarter. A pill that I take daily is triple the cost of what I pay for a bottle good for 10 days. Outrageous!
Just looking at this recent bill, I can't help but think about the millions (or maybe billions) of people that can't afford healthcare. Even if people can afford healthcare, they don't always receive what they pay for. It's sad.

mmMmm...spider water

So, I was drinking from my water bottle. When I lowered the bottle I noticed something in the water. Turns out it was a spider. I have no clue how it got in there or how long it's been dead. Poor thing.

Round 2

This morning I arrived at the outpatient transfusion center to receive my second dose of Rituximab. The nurses there are less intimate since the patients leave the day they get admitted. The procedure was a lot quicker like I expected. The infusion only took 3 1/2 hours since they started at 50 ml/hour and increased it 50 ml/hr every 30 minutes up to 400. I was in a room that contained 3 beds. The room was continuous with the next room that also had 3 beds. The lady next to me was getting the same treatment but it was her first time. When I left she was beginning to get an infusion reaction. Her's was worse than what I got, but it made me grateful that I had my first dose in the hospital. If it was her first time, I wonder why she wasn't urged to do it as an inpatient. My neurologist came to see me before they gave me the medicine because he forgot to check the box for Benadryl. I wasn't aware that it may take 3-4 months for Rituximab to become activated in my system! It's not a guarantee that this thing will work, so I'm a little concerned about waiting. It sucks when I get a flare-up and I want to do everything to prevent one, but it seems like there's no other choice but to wait and see. After my IV was taken out I decided to wait to get my lab results. The doctors did tell me that my WBC count was low last time but I found out my RBC count was low too. Today, everything is normal except for my RBCs. The count is the same as last time, so I emailed my doctor after getting home. It's not significantly low, but I'm a little confused as to why my numbers haven't increased after 2 weeks.

Yesterday, I had a G.I. appointment. The new fellow seemed sincere and wanted me to get scheduled with one G.I. fellow so I wouldn't have to repeat my story everytime. I guess he'll be my doctor for at least the next few appointments. I know I'll be followed by another G.I. later on because fellows are temporary. At least the regular MD still follows up on me. :) He was busy yesterday though :/. Anyways, I'm getting an ultrasound to check up on a duct that looked enlarged a couple of years ago in a CT scan. I couldn't get labs drawn yesterday because the plasmapheresis might have changed my numbers a bit. The fellow said my amylase may still be high due to the medication I take for my MG. The medication my lead to a more complicating illness.

I'm just thankful that I'm alive. If I was born a century ago, I would have died. Even though it'll be a challenge getting my schooling back on track, I'm glad I took this time off.

Drugsssssss

Saturday and Sunday were devoted to pharmacy.

At 7:45am, I left the house and headed off to the BART station on foot. I took the 7:58am Bay Point train. Along the way, I tried to read the novel that I bought but every time the train stopped I found myself looking out to check the station name. It was the first time I was traveling out of the city on BART alone, so I didn't want to miss the stop. I had to switch to the Richmond train in Oakland, which turned out ok. I thought I was going to get lost. However, it turned out a bunch of people were heading to East Bay too and I ended up following the crowd. The map online told me that I was to get off at "North Berkeley." There wasn't a station named "Berkeley" on the map, just "Downtown Berkeley" and "North Berkeley." I was afraid that Berkeley only had one stop, so I got off.

Since I emerged onto the streets of Berkeley at a place where I didn't initially plan to be, I was confused. I ended following the crowd of people that looked like students I could have looked at the map but I thought it was a little better to go on an adventure. After walking about 2 blocks, I hit campus. I stopped at a campus map to see where I was, but there wasn't a "You are here" mark, so I continued to walk directionless. I love the feel of Berkeley! I probably wouldn't have gone there even if I was accepted, but the bustling town and enriched academia has a better personality than Davis. The one thing I didn't like was that the school buildings didn't have huge yellow signs blaring out which building was which like Davis. The names of halls and such weren't really noticeable. I somehow ended up where I was suppose to though.

After signing in and getting some coffee (that was good coffee...and I usually don't like coffee), I headed towards the elevators. It was a luck that I went to the north elevators instead of the south (wait..was it north and south...might be east and west..w/e) because I bumped into someone I knew. YAY! It's nice to meet new people but it's nicer to talk to someone you are already familiar with. After the welcoming, everybody headed back down to the first floor. I decided to go to the pharmacy policy meeting. I've only recently become interested in health insurance because of what happened with my case. I didn't even know about Medicare Part D until this meeting. I had a couple of question swarming in my head but they had nothing to do with health policy, so I didn't ask. Ah well, I'll learn about when I go to pharm school. For the second time slot, I headed to the student panel meeting. I've already been to a few pharmacy student panels, so I didn't have any questions. Next was lunch and networking. The sandwich, salad and pasta made me hella full. I wanted to finish most of it because I didn't want to carry it home and I needed to make the event worth the $16 I spent on it. Talked to a few Cal people when eating, then went out to the balcony to get brochures, cups and pens from the organizations and schools attending. Then, went back down to the first floor for the USN meeting. I wish I networked before I ate because USN's table was packing to go downstairs when I got there. If I knew that their presentation was on information that was all on their website then I would have gone to pharmacokinetics instead. The representative for USN didn't seem enthusiastic representing the school. USN is still considered my second, if not top choice though. There was a little break after that meeting. I decided to go to the faculty panel instead of Massachusetts, since I was betting all the info they were going to provide would be online too. Plus, their school wasn't on my list. What the faculty said was really insightful. There's always different stories compared to what the students have to say. With students, they just tell you about school and schools doesn't really differ a lot. People that are already in the industry have more personal stories. It really differs from person-to-person since there are so many categories of pharmacy. I really connected with the story of the only female pharmacist on the panel. Research sounded interesting too. I'm highly interested in the clinical aspect of pharmacy but I'm still keeping my options open. I don't have to commit to one field once I'm done with school, so all the more reason to do pharmacy. :) The symposium ended with a raffle (didn't win :( ) and a certification of completion distribution. I got a little lost exiting campus, but it wasn't hard getting back to the BART station.

Sunday was the PhAMLI award thing. My mentor wasn't present and I could have cared less. I didn't really get to know her, since I didn't go to any of the events besides the picnic. I really wanted to shadow, but my mentor never emailed back on what day she would be willing to let me see campus. I don't know if I should do PhAMLI again just to get a second chance for the mock interview (didn't have time this year) and to shadow. I plan on renewing my membership with APhA and PhAMLI's fee is included. I would have to go to the picnic again and the awards. I don't know if I have time. We'll see. Arghh..I joined AMCP this year too but I haven't done anything. I wish I was at Davis because they're coming to do a mock interview next week :(. Maybe I'll head out to Stockton if they have another campus event.

I've been thinking about getting a pharm tech licence because it seems impossible to get pharmacy experience unless you're a pharmacy student or a pharm tech. I'm really confused on how to go about that because each state has different policies.

Plans are in motion

I just received news that I'm going for my second round of Rituximab on Wednesday next week. I'm excited. I've been waiting two weeks for this call and I look forward to see whether or not any progress will be made with this medication. So far, ptosis is pretty much the same but difficulty breathing have decreased dramatically. That can be from the plasma exchange though. I just want to be well enough so I can handle other life stresses. I've said this before, but I just have to say it again. The people that are involved in health and people's well-being are miraculous. I just hope I can be half as inspirational as these people who have helped me live.

Speaking of pursing a career in health, I'm going to Berkeley tomorrow for the 2nd Annual Northern California Pre-Pharmacy Symposium. It's going to be my first time riding BART to the East Bay on my own. Hopefully, I don't get lost. I need to switch trains in between since the one that goes straight to Berkeley doesn't run early on Saturdays. It's ok if I do get lost though. It'll turn out to be an adventure :)Ahh..I have to network tomorrow because almost all the schools on my pharmacy school list are going to be there. I hope I'll be able to make a good first impression. Should I bring my resume. No..that's sort of weird. ACK! I don't know what to wear!! I don't want to be too dressed up and I certainly don't want to look casual. Pictures from last year's meeting show a mixture of students in jeans and suits. I'll figure it out by the end of today.

"Outwit, Outplay, Outlast."

NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..
FIRST YAUMAN, NOW OZZY!!!! OZZYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! WHY, OZZY?! WHY?!!!! I was shouting at the TV when he didn't play the immunity. WHY DIDN'T YOU PLAY IT OZZY?! I hated Parvati in Cook Island and I hate her now. I guess I'm routing for James or Amanda now. It's not the same without Yauman or Ozzy though. *sobs* OZZZYYYYY!!!!!!!!! It's hopeless for James and Amanda now that the women are outpowering the favorites. I don't even know the names of the fans. AHhhh.....I hate Cirie. She got Yauman out and now Ozzy. I WANT HER OUT!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is a bad day

*sigh* There are never good days anymore. Only okay days or bad days. It seems like the okay days want to fade away too.

Worrisome me

I've said before that I'm a worry-wart. As the registration date for a community college draws near, I worry that I won't be able to carry out my academic plan. I worry that I won't be able to register for courses, which in my head want to be set in stone. Sure, I can try to add the class on the first day or I can go with one of my other two plans involving school. However, I really want to make my first choice work. It's already been emotionally painful for me dropping out in middle of last quarter. Getting it straightened out is my next big headache. I'm old enough to know that plans don't always work out. This concept is hard for me to accept though. I am a perfectionist. I want the best and the best has a higher chance of happening when I'm in control. Applying to another school or readmitting into Davis means I'm at the bottom of the barrel again. This probably means none of my plans will be carried out smoothly.

People tell me that life isn't all about school. That I should slow down and enjoy life. It's true, I should. I guess this break is a chance for me to learn how to function outside of studying and lectures. So much of my life has been devoted to education though, so I still worry.

Legos

http://brickartist.com/

Art will always serve as an enormous inspiration to me. There are countless artists who's work I've admired in awe. While watching GMA today, I've discovered my next obsession...Nathan Sawaya. He's created a collection of sculptors built by Legos. That's right, Legos! The idea seems so simple, but his artwork is miraculous! Go check out the website for yourself because like any artist's work..words cannot fully explain how magnificent their masterpieces are!

http://brickartist.com/

Don't you just have the urge to break something off to build your own sculptor?! Haha..

Oh! I almost forgot to mention Sawaya use to be lawyer. That's one of the reasons why he serves as such an inspiration to me; pursuing a second career that has almost nothing related to his original labor.

I'm gonna crash! I'm gonna crash! I'm gonna crash! aAaahHHhh!!!!

That's what the inside of my head sounds like when I drive. It's hard for me to relax when driving, which I think is the primary reason why I've failed my driving test 3 times already. I'm too focused on what's ahead of me because I'm afraid that my hands will move wherever I gaze.

I hate driving downtown on narrow streets! I hate taxi drivers! The light only turned green for less than 2 seconds!!! I hate cars with broken brake lights! I hate crazy people that just aimlessly walk in the middle of the street! I hate cars that don't signal when changing lanes! I hate motorists that swerve in and out of traffic! I hate cars that double park! I hate when there's a huge gap and you're trying to change lanes but then a car speeds up just to hide in your blind spot!....Ultimately, I hate not having a license, so I need to suck it up.

It's raining in the bus on a hot sunny day!!!

I went to the Cherry Blossom Festival in Japantown today with two of my best buddies. It's been sunny all week in San Francisco and today wasn't any different. It probably didn't help that I was wearing all black, a scarf and a hat. I could handle it though since I wore long sleeves everyday during the summer in Davis. All I bought was a kabob stick, since I ate a bit before going. I didn't want to spend that much money. I've always been more of a saver than a spender when it comes to money. I hate shopping (unless if it's for art supplies) and I don't like eating out. Plus, I feel like I shouldn't spend on anything now because I feel bad enough that my father pays for college tuition. It didn't help that I withdrew in the middle last quarter either because I have to pay back the financial aid. I've been keeping track of all my finances last year. '

After Jtown, we went downtown then to Stonestown. On the bus to Stones, some water water or some sort of liquid dripped on Becky. We quickly moved away from the area, but the poor guy that was next to Becky got watered even more. Initially, when the stuff dripped he looked up and more stuff dripped on him. The lesson is don't look up when something drips on you. You can move away and look up or duck and cover....unless you're sure it's rain. I'm guessing the liquid was from the fan we were standing under...still..it was sort of gross...especially since it came from a public bus.

My neck is itching like crazy because I've been changing the bandages on my neck daily, which irritates my skin. I think it's safe to not cover it up anymore but I'm scared that I'll accidently scratch it. It's all red around it because I've been scratching. Very bad, very bad :(

!!! Today was a good MG day :)

chOmp..cHew...swallOw

I stare dazzily at the computer screen, aimlessly searching for who knows what. My back sits hunched as my head tilts forwards. I outstretch my hand towards the bag of Dirty Potato Chips, which is flavored with herbs and garlic. These 300-calories-artifical-saturated-filled-man-processed-grease-crisps and many other unhealthy snacks have become my companion since I've come home. I was never much of a snacker but my increasing boredom and lack of exercise has drove on this dreadful habit. I've gain back the freshmen weight that I worked not too hard on losing during the first quarter of sophomore year. I'm afraid now that losing won't come easily since I still have a few more months before I start school again. At the end of the day, I tell myself that I'll start the diet tomorrow or that I won't garf down that morning muffin the next day. Midmorning I tell myself to go out for a walk or to pick up those 5 lb weights that have been patiently sitting next to my desk. I end up making excuses though; the sun is too bright today; I'm tired; I already wiped off the dusk on those weighs and they don't want to be greased up by my skin cells contacting them.

I overcame my battle of pancreatitis by staying on a low-fat diet that lasted almost a year. Why can't I control myself now? I'm beginning to think that I'm losing my discipline. *sigh* I'm writing this post to make it absolutely official that I'm starting back my healthy diet now! Gah, it's not going to help that I'm going out with a couple of buddies to the Cherry Blossom Festival tomorrow..or that I had some yogurt cover pretzels before this. AHHHHhhHhh, it doesn't matter!! Maybe knowing that there's a public audience reading this will make my brain truly realize no more sugar sweets, crispy delights or any other type of artificial crap will go down my throat when I'm bored. I'm not hoping for a certain number to appear on the scale or to have a flat stomach. I just need to regain my conscious in what goes down my mouth. As for exercising, I was never the exercising type in the first place. I'll see where it goes from here, but I'm not going to make any promises in breaking out into a sweat just yet. Haha

For my own assessment and record of how my MG is changing after Rituximab-I'm back where I was before the treatment. From the rest I got for over a month after withdrawing from school, my symptoms were rarely present. After the treatment, I felt groggy and symptoms were as present as when I was going to school. Today, I'm back where I was two weeks ago. I'm not saying the drug is working. The decrease of symptoms may just be from more rest and no extra stress.

I've read countless articles and discussion forum about MG. The information is all mostly the same. I know that there is no definite answer, but I can't help wondering what it takes to go into remission. I don't think it's possible for me because I've had this thing for so long. Probably another serious illness or life-threatening event will change the course of it, but that's not a good way to look at this thing. Ah well, it's a part of me. I'll learn to live with it's instability. I already have for 15 years.

PCAT prep

One of the books that I borrowed from the library yesterday was Kaplan's PCAT Comprehensive Review 2006-2007 Edition. I know! I'm crazy! I don't even know if I'm going to take this test for pharmacy school because the majority of schools that are on my list don't require the PCAT. I couldn't resist pulling it out of the shelf when I saw it though! I was originally looking up books on the benefits of differnt teas. It turned out pharmacy was right next to the herbal selection. If I do plan to take the PCAT it won't be until June next year, since I'm aiming for a BS before pharmacy school now. This only makes me a bit early in the typical studying time frame. I'm not completely sure what people suggest when it's a good idea to start studying, but I figure it's similar to what they suggest for the MCAT. They say 6 months prior to examination, but a lot of the people I know don't start until 3 months before. A year is late in my standards. I bought my first Kaplan SAT book during freshman year of high school (I didn't use it much after that summer though). Starting too soon may come with cons. My year was the first year that had to be faced with the changes made to the SATs. I'm pretty sure if I was still pre-med they would change it to a computer-based exam instead of it's standard paper-based (wait...I'm not sure whether or not they've done this already). With this in mind, I'm not going to studying hard-core until I'm sure that I'll take it. So far, I've only read the test-taking tips and took the biology section of the diagnostic test. My score was miserable (probably because I don't remember much and I haven't learned everything that's needed for that section yet). Either way, it has pushed down my confidence to continue with the diagnostic test (at least for today).

...

Symptoms today- Ptosis present but not extreme. I think it was more like my eyes feeling weird instead of my eyes drooping. It was sort of like they were unfocused. I wasn't seeing double vision or anything but they just felt weird.

...

Other stuff- Got my permit today. I don't look forward to driving again though. Part of me wants to get my license just to get it over with, but the other part of me tells me I shouldn't drive because symptoms come and go so randomly. I don't want to be driving on a freeway or even a regular road and have my eyes droop.

...

Where is the fog????? I expect more fog from SF!!!! The clear blue sky and sun disturb me...

On a different note,...

...I went to the main library downtown before lunch. I love the conveyor belt that takes the books when you return them and how you can scan your own books when borrowing.

My headache has minimized but it's still present. Symptoms are bothering me and I woke up still exhausted. I felt a little better after going out. Maybe I just need to get out of the house more. I'm going to devote the majority of the rest of the day to reading. The trouble is which book out of the stack of 7 do I pick first?? Meh, the problem will be resolved within a few minutes.

I am a "burden"

I know why I tend to look on the grayer side of life. I know why I decided to go to boring Davis instead of stay in the bustling, exciting city of San Francisco. I know why I tend to be downright scared when it comes to meeting people or moving ahead in life. I was raised by a father that didn't let me do anything besides secure me in the comforts of what typical people call "home."

When I was in the hospital, I mentioned that I wanted to go to Nevada to visit my cousins and see how pharmacy school was going for them. Today, when I was having lunch with my aunt, uncle and cousin, my father mentioned that I wanted to go. My aunt and cousin instantly boosted how we should go because "Kim's bored at home and she won't have time to go once she starts school again." Through lunch my family members sketched out plans for the trip while I sat in silence, eating my duck noodles. My father kept mentioning how much this trip was going to be a "burden." The conversation lead to me wanting to go to LA to visit a few friends and how that was gonna work out with plane tickets, car rentals, and motels. Apparently, the place my father wants to eat and stuff is about 2 hours away from UCLA, so the trip is a "burden." On the way back home from lunch he asked me what was the purpose of going to Nevada. Didn't I make that clear? Actually, didn't my aunt, cousin and you make that clear (my uncle is sort of like me; everyone outspeaks us)?! I don't know how many times he mentioned how much this was going to be a "burden" during the car ride. I calmly said "If it's a burden, then let's not go." He replied, "If we don't go, then you're going to hold it against me." I told him. "I rather not go if you're going to define the trip as a 'burden.'" He didn't say anything.

I don't do a lot of the stuff that I want to because it's always described as a "burden." For the first month when I came back home, he constantly reminded me how withdrawing out of Davis was a "mistake," which made it a "burden"...I withdrew for my health and my well-being though. He describes my illnesses as a "burden"...I'm the one that has to live with it daily; I'm the one that has to take a whole bunch of pills, that has to schedule hospital admissions and doctor appointments, that has to accept the uncertainty of what it will bring to me tomorrow. Being in hospital for a week or even over the weekend is a "burden"...Well, I'm the one that has to get pricked with needles, explain to countless doctors and nurses about my history and my case, and that has the brain-breaking headache afterwards!!! All my life, my father has defined everything I do as a burden, meaning that I am a "burden." Sure he tells me that he "loves" me and that I'm "the only thing left [he's] got in this world" but that doesn't mean anything when he bombards me with negative thoughts and emotions. I know that my birth wasn't planned, that I was born out of wedlock, but that gives a parent no right to give their child the idea that their life was a mistake. He doesn't say it, but just the way he raised me... I believed it.

I recently realize that everything to my father is a burden. "My job is a burden." Then, quit! "I have to keep the job for financial security." Then, get another job! "It's too much of a burden trying to find another job. Especially, with the burdens of my age." ARGHHHH!!! Then, why don't you just drop dead! I think I've said that a couple of times to my father when I was in high school. If I didn't say it to his face, then there's no doubt that the thought crossed my mind infinite number of times.

My father is the reason why I have the attitude I have. I'm usually soft-spoken because anything that comes out of my mouth creates a "burden." I'm disciplined and focused because anything outside of my schedule is a "burden." I thought telling my friends what was happening in my life was a "burden." I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to be my father.

It's hard becoming an optimistic since the definition of my life and soul have been beaten down to the dark-pits of unworthiness. I've been given too many chances to live to waste it on pessimistic thoughts though. I can't live by just looking at the negative side of the world because the people that have helped me get where I am today deserve better. These people aren't burdens to me. I've always seen them as heroes. I'm forever grateful to these people and no matter how many times I say "thank you" it's never enough. They deserve a Kim that lives her life to the fullest. Not to mention, I need it for myself too.

Tape pain

Symptoms are bad today. I think I'm trying to fool myself in believing that I don't have trouble breathing by doing the breath-in-and-count-test. You breath in and count as far as you can go. A normal adult can easily go to 30. The first time I tried it in the hospital I got to 12. Now, I can go way past 30, but I don't think measuring the lung's maximum capacity is a good way to determine whether or not the muscles are weak. My eyes been droopy most of the day too.

The muscles in my right shoulder hurt because I can't turn my head to the right. My neck looks like it's healing ok. There's a little bruising, but there isn't any pus. I hate pulling off the tape to rebandage it. I might try using regular bandages tomorrow.

I still have a headache, but it feels like an annoyance more than a heavy weight now.

UghhHHh...I'm so tired. Not sleepy...tired.

I miss biking and going to the library!! GIVE ME HW!!!! I'm not as disciplined without school :(

Post-infusion symtoms

I woke up feeling groggy after 10 hours of sleep. If you ask me how I feel today, I would still say exhausted, sore and puffy. My right arm is almost restored to it's normal size. My back, neck and head ache like mad. I took a Tylenol around 9 this morning, but it didn't really help. I'm a little apprehensive, but I might take Vicodin if the headache gets worse or if I can't take it anymore. Vicodin is a narcotic though and I don't want to fall asleep. It's best if I get my sleeping schedule back to normal. My heart was beating a little heavily this morning too. It might be because my blood volume hasn't returned to normal yet. I noticed yesterday that my diastole number is lower than what is normal while my systole number is ok when the nurses took my blood pressure.
I still feel so horrible about not being able to volunteer at LLH this week. Even though I was only there for one day I felt like I made a real connection with a few of the patients. Especially the guy that I talked to for two hours. My supervisor said he was never pleased to talk to someone that long other than family or friends. He even made me get up to get me some of his photo albums so he could show me more of his life. I promised that I would visit him whenever I was working in the hospital even if it wasn't on his unit. I can't help but wonder if he feels like I've abandoned him.

Discharged

A resident came around 1pm to take out my catheter. Peeling off the tape was the worse part, which isn't bad at all. There were little pulls and tugs when she snipped and removed the stitches. After that, she just pulled the line out... No pain, just a little weird. Taking it out didn't take more than 10 minutes. The resident that put it in said she placed it where my old scars were, so that I won't get new ones. I don't mind the scars though. They remind me of my history and that I overcame a lot of obstacles. While the resident was taking the line out, the nurse took out my IV too. The nurse then placed pressure on my neck for about five minutes to minimize stop the bleeding and minimize the bruising. She told me that I had to stay in the hospital for at least an hour, so that they could check that the opening had clotted properly. I have to change the gauze daily for at least the first week. Then, I can just use regular bandages after that. I realize that my neck and back ache because I haven't been able to move my neck properly for the past week. Now I can't move it because the bandaging. They finally gave me my discharged papers at 3pm. To my surprise, my favorite PCA walked me down and out of the hospital after that.

The first thing I did when I got home was unpack and took a shower.

Here are a couple of pictures. I was bored when waiting for a resident to come to take out the line.

The view from my room. I never knew what this was until one of the respiratory therapists told me it's where they make all the oxygen and gases. I still see it as pollution.








IV. One line was for Rituximab the other for maintenance (normal saline).











My Trans-pal. The nurse I had on Monday called it Bob. Bob wasn't the best. He constantly made clicking sounds. He didn't beep as much as the others though.

Catheter

Going to go back to the hospital for my second dose of Rituximab as an outpatient in about 2 weeks.

Collapsing veins

It took 3 pokes this morning to draw my morning lab. Ever since 2004, I've become a hard stick. It sort of makes me concerned about how they're going to draw blood from me later on in life.

They started infusing Rituximab at 4:30. About 1 1/2 hours before the nurse gave me some Tylenol and Benadryl. The Benadryl was given to me through IV instead of a pill like on Friday. I was sitting in a chair watching TV then. When I got up I was so dizzy. It wasn't like the room was spinning but my head felt like it was floating or circling dazzly. I stumbled a bit while trying to get into bed.

The infusion rates were cut in half, so the nurse started it at 12.5 ml/hr. She, another nurse, and a student nurse stayed in my room for the first 30 minutes. After that, my nurse stayed until the second hour was over. She changed the rate every hour, so by the time her shift ended the med was infusing into me at 75 ml/hr. The highest rate was 100 ml/hr, which was set around 8 pm. I noticed that if everything went well Friday night that the highest rate would have been 200 ml/hr. The infusion finished around 10:30pm, which was when the nurse gave me another dose of Benadryl. I notice that it makes my IV ache badly for about 10 minutes. When I got it in the afternoon I thought the IV was gonna blow again, but my arm wasn't cold, tender or discolored.

I'm scheduled to go home today. I need to get the catheter and IV pulled out. Weekends are slow in the hospital, so who knows when a resident will come to pull out my line. I just hope it's by tonight.

I really wanted to go back to LLH and start volunteering again this week, but I don't think it's a good idea. The plasmapheresis and Rituximab have weakened my immune system. My white blood cell count this morning was only 4 (11 is high, so I'm guessing 7 or 8 is a good number). Plus, someone's going to call me within the next two weeks to schedule me back as an outpatient so I can get the second dose of Rituximab. I'm guessing if my immune system is still weak I'll get some IVIG as well.

I'm just getting use to having the central line in me. It itches like crazy though because they haven't changed the dressing since they got it in me. I realize that I was conscious for a little while when I had the catheter in me in 2004. I remember the itch and nurses changing the dressing.

I'm not really excited to go home since I don't have much to do. The hospital is like a 3rd home to me. I know that's not a good thing to say, but it feels like it. I look forward to taking a good shower and sleeping through the whole night though. :)

More set backs

I was wheeled up to the 11th floor for my last plasmapheresis treatment around 4pm yesterday. My nurse up there was in the room throughout the whole treatment. He was a talkative guy. He gave me a lot of insight on picking a career in health. He grew up in Hawaii and went to college in NY so he has an Hawaiian accent but an east coast attitude. He worked at NYU medical center for over 10 years and told me NYU is way overrated. He wished that he transferred to SF sooner. I think he was only staying in my room because I was his last patient before his break. He seemed anxious to get my treatment done. There's two tubes that I'm hooked up to, one where my blood exits and one where it's returned to me. Before the machine was done returning blood, the nurse unclamped me from the tube that took away my blood. Before the machine beeped he released me from the other tube too. I wonder how much blood I loss during this hospital stay. I'm sure it's not much as 2004, but they were giving me blood then.

I was free from getting normal saline for awhile because my nurse yesterday decided that I didn't need to take my Trans-pal up during plasmapheresis and she didn't reattach me when I got back. The pharmacy didn't send the Rituximab until 7pm, so it didn't get started until 11:00 pm.

The medicine was only set for 25 ml/hr (compared to 100-500 ml/hr when I get normal saline or 100-175 ml/hr when I get IVIG). The nurse that night had to stay in my room to check my vitals every 15 minutes the first hour; everything was normal so she boosted up the rate to 50ml/hr. The next hour was suppose to be checking every half an hour. At 12:30pm the nurse increased the rate to 62.75. Around 12:45pm my stomach started to hurt. Then I felt nauseated. I waited it out a bit to see if it would go away, but then my legs began to tremble. I pushed the nurse's button. By the time she got to my room my lips were starting to shake. My vitals were normal, so the nurse decided to bring in another nurse on a second opinion as to what to do. That nurse brought me a small pill for nausea. They had a couple of buckets placed around my bed just in case I hurled. I had a cool towel placed on the back of my neck too. The nurse decreased the rate of the infusion back to 50 and called for the doctor. Both the doctors that came and assessed me seemed a bit confused on what to do. One of them asked me what I thought, which was weird. The nurse noticed that my stomach looked a lot fuller and said it felt tender. I then noticed that my stomach aches had decreased and I felt blotted. It was the nurses that gave the idea of stopping the medicine. That sort of made me wonder why only residents stay the night in the hospital. Shouldn't at least one doctor from each department who have finished their residency be in the hospital at all times? I think it was the best idea since the nurses did say that more people would be able to watch me during the day. Plus, I really wanted to sleep.

The neurologists talked to me this morning. They're deciding to continue with Rituximab but give it to me at a slower rate. Plus, instead of 25 mg of Benadryl, they're gonna give me 50 before the infusion. They think the symptoms are just due to an allergic reaction.

Rituximab is an interesting drug. It expires within 24 hrs if it's refrigerated and 12 hr if it's not. I'm now waiting for a new bag since the one that was used yesterday is out-of-date. I wish I knew more about this stuff, like the reactions and the composition of the drug. One of my cousins who's currently in pharmacy school wrote a report about Rituximab and sent it to me. He said it was a last resort drug, but I don't think he's aware that the side effects of Rituximab are different for the different diseases it's used for. His report was only explaining what would happen in one type of illness.

Sorry, this is a very bland entry. I'm exhausted from not getting enough sleep the whole week. Last night, after everything got sorted out it was already 2:30am. At 4:00 the nurse came in to poke me for some labs. At 5:00am RT came. At 7am this guy knocked on the door and gave me 12 cans of formula, which turned out not to be mine. I'm only running on 20 hours of sleep starting from Monday. Not to mention, my catheter is starting to itch. Oh, when will pharmacy send that new bag of Rituximab??? Infusion's probably gonna be 8 hours instead of 4 now. Maybe I'll be discharged tomorrow afternoon/night.

Vistors and Set backs

I thought today was gonna be a slow day (well, they usually are..but I mean slower than usual) because this morning my night nurse said that my fibrinogen level was low. I thought the doctors were going to make my plasmapheresis tomorrow instead of today because of it, but they didn't. Instead I got some through IV.

On a side note, I want to ask those that are capable of donating blood to please donate blood. The product I received to get my fibrinogen level up is a blood product. I've had a number of blood products transfused in me before too (red, white and platelets). If my health permitted me to donate blood I would do it every time they'd let me. I know people can be scared of needles, but seriously it's not that bad. Think about the person that's going to get that blood. Chances are that s/he is going to get more pokes than that one poke you receive to improve/save their life. Save a life, donate blood. Thank you!

Back to today: The IV I got from Monday night blew, so they had to stop giving me the fibrinogen for a few hours. They called in the pick nurse to put a new IV in me. She's so awesome. She's put in so many lines for me. She's seriously pro. It never takes her more than one poke to get an IV in. Now, I'm just waiting on my blood results too see if I'll be able to get my last treatment of plasmapheresis later this afternoon or tonight. They said after that's done, they'll start the Rituximab. This morning, the neurologists told me I would be able to go home tomorrow afternoon if everything goes as plan. I'm betting on Sunday instead because the schedule's already been set back due to my IV blowing. It was a good IV though. It lasted for 4 days. Usually they're only good for 3.

While waiting to get a new IV, Josephine and Katrina visited! That made my day. :) Thanks you guys!

To Josephine: I can't count the number of drips are in a minute now because the nurse filled up the IV tube to max capacity. I'll do it tomorrow. For breakfast I had a banana, some strawberries, yogurt with blueberries on the bottom and a cup of coffee. For lunch, I had fish with veggies, corn chowder with some salted crackers, and a slice of chocolate moosecake (MmmMm...chocolate). Ummm, I'll write about dinner for you if I decide to blog later today.

I can't wait to go home and take a nice long shower. I feel so icky. My hair is all greasy and my skin feels like it's gonna peel.

Change of pace

The doctors decided to make my plasmapheresis treatment everyday now because I am an adult. Typically with kids they want to do it every other day so that their blood gets a little balanced out. I was escorted up to the 11th floor around 9:30am to get my second dose of treatment. This time it only took ~90 minutes. I felt my lips tingle a bit after the nurse snapped off the tubes that hooked me up to the machine. I think I had that yesterday too but I didn't think it was anything because the tingling went away after I bit my lip. It just means that I'm lacking calcium. Darn, I didn't order milk today. Oh well, at least I had yogurt for breakfast.

I overheard the nurse tell my floor nurse that they'll have to look at my labs extra careful tomorrow because something in my blood went from 200-something to 150-something. She said they can't give me my last treatment tomorrow if that count goes below 100.

Class subject

"Hi, Kim. Can I ask you for a favor?" were the first words spoken by a doctor teaching at the medical school when he came into my room yesterday afternoon . I agreed to be a subject to his 3rd year medical students who are currently following neuro cases. This explained why I was being hassled by a medical student before I was admitted on Monday. He said that they would be on the floor between 3-4, but like everything that goes on in the hospital, they were late. (*tisk tisk* late to class!). The medical student came in and first asked my dad for permission. My father wasn't in the room when the doctor came and asked me, so he was sort of confused. I told him that I told the teacher that it was ok. I quickly gave an evil look towards the medical student because he really should have asked me. I'm staying on a pediatric floor but that does not mean that I'm not an adult. I totally don't like the medical student that's reviewing my case. He fits into the medical student stereotype; acting like a know-it-all. Earlier that day, he spent about 5 minutes explaining the causes of diarrhea after asking me how my stool was. Anyways, the doctor came in and told the class to come in. There were 8 or 9 of them.The doctor asked them what they noticed about me. They seemed a bit reluctant participating. After that, he asked who wanted to exam me (anyone but the student that was already following me). The only dude that was answering stepped up to the plate. Medical students are hard on patients. I think it's because they don't know how to act around them yet or that they're just eager to see what happens if they go a bit overboard. When I couldn't follow his finger to the left all the way he snapped his fingers which made me sort of mad. If you named my symptoms and you gave the right diagnosis, you should know how my eyes work. This other guy that was standing in front of me seemed like the only one that had patient sympathy (he was the only student that thanked me after the whole thing and asked a few questions about my weakness instead of acting like I was some lab rat). There was this Asian dude in the back that asked a question but I totally zoned out because he and the teacher started talking in medical jargon. The doctor asked me if I had any questions. I wanted to ask something to give them a hard time, but I was more eager for them to leave, so I said no. The medical student that was following me told the class about my medical history and that I was a second year biochem major at UCD (acting all proud that he was capable of memorizing facts about me). The teacher suddenly beamed at me and told me he went to UCD too. One of the med students followed with a "YAY! Me too!" After 15 minutes of interrogation they finally left. My med student had to pop his head back in to tell me he would see me soon. Ugh....he's always smiling even when he's just standing doing nothing. Annoys the crap out of me. I'm ok with happy people but not happy-happy people. He doesn't act perky (well sort of) but it's weird if you're just smiling all the time.
I hate being in the spotlight but I agreed to letting the class review my case because I want to see how clinical rounds were like. Of course it's different in a patient's point of view, but I learned some stuff while they were there. Even though I'm working on being a pre-pharm, med school has never left my mind. If I set my mind to it I know I can if I really want to be a doctor. A lot of people would support me (not my family...they don't want me to tire out). I don't think my heart would be in it 100% though. If pharmacy turns out not to be the right career for me, I think I can still scrap by in finishing stuff. However, say I succeeded in getting into med school and it turns out not to be right for me; I think I would become deeply depressed and frustrated with myself. Doctors can have lives outside of their career, but it usually revolves around health. That's good if you're 100% passionated and devoted to it. In my case, I know I'm not and I can't.
Nursing crossed my mind a few times, but I think I would end up hating it. Patient contact is fun and exciting but not when you have to deal with them complaining, whining, moaning, and crying. Not to mention you have to sometimes deal with pissed off family members and friends.
I want patient contact and to be part of health team, so I'm beginning trust that pharmacy is the right path. I'll have to do a little more investigating on the career though.

"Your bed doesn't want to cooperate!"

How many nurses does it take to fix a bed? According to last night, four. They were trying to have my bed move up so it would easier for the doctor to perform the operation. This one nurse fixed it by pressing buttons randomly. Haha

I got transfered to the PICU at 3 yesterday to get my catheter. It was a surprise that a lot of people that work down there still remember me. My nurse that afternoon wasn't one who usually works in the PICU so I didn't know her. One of my old nurses helped me through the operation though (so sweet of her to let me squeeze her hand during it). The operation started at around 6pm and I guess everything was done at 7pm. Everybody seemed so impressed that I decided to not take pain/calming meds. The doctor only gave me a little shot to numb my skin. To those that want to know how it feels to get a central line put into a neck vein here's my description...

My head was off to the side and under sheets the whole time, so my neck could be as sterile as possible. They first got an ultrasound to see where the vein was. Then, my neck was sterilized with the orange-red stuff that you usually see being used during TV hospital operations. She then stuck some numbing stuff into my neck (which was probably the worst part). I forgot what they medicine was called..it started with a "L". That stuff stung and burned. It was a weird burn too because it was in my skin instead of on the skin. After that, it was just intervals of pressure when the doctor poked holes and stuff through. I didn't really understand, but I they collected venous gas before proceeding to stick actual stuff in. The nurse explained that they first placed a thin wire to make sure the placement would be corrected. Then they stuck in a tube, pulled out the wire..stuck in another tube around the first tube and then pushed in the catheter so it would be a tube around the other 2 tubes. I didn't want to swallow or say anything when the doctor was putting stuff in because the pressure was like someone trying press a vein out of my neck but the doctor kept asking me if I was still breathing ok. After the central line was in I got two stitches so that the stuff won't move or that I won't accidentally pull out the stuff...and yes, stitches actually do feel like your getting sewn up (you feel and hear the wire being pulled through). There were a few moments where I felt a little nauseated under the sheets. I was so scared to move my neck after the whole thing was done.

After the operation I got a few surprises. One of the Child Life workers that I got really close during my incident during HS came by to visit me after she got off from work. She said saw me being wheeled into the PICU. Also, my old PICU primary nurse was head nurse that night. I haven't seen her in over 4 years. Every time I visit the PICU she's never there! So that was awesome catching up with her for a few minutes. I learned that she went to UC Davis for her undergraduate, so that just makes me more determined to finish my biochem degree there. I felt bad that I didn't get to say bye to her when I was transfered out that night. :( Maybe I'll go find her after this hospitalization is over.

I totally remembered the nurse that was taking care of me in the PICU part of yesterday night! I hated her because she gave me cough syrup but wouldn't let me drink water. UghhHh!! I think everybody knows how horrible cherry flavored cough syrup tastes like. Just imagine having the after taste in your mouth for the rest of the night. I told her about this. She said she doesn't remember me, but she ended up being extra nice yesterday (she got me water after my operation).

The doctors were originally gonna have me stay in the PICU for my plasmapheresis treatment but decided not to...so I got transferred back to 7 Long around 12am. I only got 1-2 hours of sleep last night because the nurse and a respiratory therapist came every 2 hours! Plus, my neck is sore and stinging because of the central line. I never want a neck cast (or any type of cast). It sucks having this thing on half of my neck! One of the nurses said it's like a huge earring only it's not on your ear. I can deal with needles, IVs and even pick lines. Central line sucks though. Oh, the resident on-call that night was one of the doctors that took care of me before too! He was so happy to not see me pissed at him because the last time I saw him he had to send me down to the PICU (the third time x.X). This time he signed papers for me to leave the PICU. I know too many people that work down there. LOL!

My nurse took me up for my first plasmapheresis treatment at 7. It was quite the "adventure" trying to travel up there. We were told that it was located on the 9th floor but it turned out to be the 11th (they moved it recently). I know that during regular hours getting an elevator is already difficult but when it's time for people to switch shifts (7am and 7pm) trying to get one is a nightmare. When going up to the 9th floor I almost got my feet squished by the doors and when heading to the 11th we had to make room for a bed (I'm so glad I told the nurse to bring me in a wheelchair instead of a bed). Hmm, I just realized that a lot of people got let out of their shift late on my account :(

Plasmapheresis took 2 hours. The nurse said the second time won't take that long. My nurse there was super cool because he explained what the huge machine I was hooked up to was doing to my blood. When I met him I told him I was a biochem major so he didn't explain the stuff to me the "stupid way." Sure, I've read about plasmapheresis and was explained what it did generally numerous of times but he explained what each bottle and spinny thingy did. Wuahaha...I understood the chemistry language he was using. Electrolytes!

Common side effects of plasmapheresis include tingling in the nose, lips, hands and/or feet and cold flashes (instead of hot flashes it's cold flashes). My feet felt cold but that was about it. My feet are usually cold anyway.

I'm scheduled for 3 treatments, so 1 down 2 to go. I'm suppose to receive one every other day, so my next one is Friday and the last one should be on Sunday. My primary neurologist explained that Rituximab is a 24 hour infusion but I'm guessing I won't be out of the hospital until the end of next week.

WOOHOO!!! I get to eat now! I couldn't eat anything yesterday because after the operation I didn't have an appetite.

"You're just a pushpin, now aren't yah!"

I finally got admitted into the hospital yesterday, but that day came too soon. I was planning to start my first week as a volunteer at Laguna Honda Hospital and I feel terrible that I won't be able to help the patients on their bus trip to SFMOMA today, that I'll have to wait on meeting the residents of L4, and that I won't get to be an art therapy assistant just yet. At least I got to finish my shift yesterday on G4.

I have to admit that patient, wherever they are hospitalized, experiences time slowing down. There are good days, bad days, and days where you are just staring into space waiting for something to happen. Since G4 is an Asian-American focus unit, most of the residents only spoke Cantonese or Mandarin. My supervisor let me spend most of my day talking to one resident because he spoke Vietnamese. I'm so glad that I got to meet him. Not only was he someone who I could practice my patient contact skills, but he was also someone I could greatly sympathize for....and I sympathized a lot. I told him about the medical struggles that I had and that he shouldn't loss hope. He kept telling me that I was different though....that I am "young"...that I am "lucky."

I spent the other half of my shift pouring out coffee and other refreshments to the residents and taking them on a little stroll to the library. I learned that it's sort of difficult wheeling patients if their legs are mobile. What do you do when the patients wants to go somewhere else in the hospital but your supervisor told you to take them to a specific place? I took him to the library anyway and was left with the guilt of not responding to his hand gestures and sound utterances to take him somewhere else.

My supervisor (super nice and understanding), let me leave early because there wasn't anything left to do. I don't think she really needs my help. I think I was a little bit of a nucance because it was my first day and I didn't know anything.

On my car ride home from LLH, a medical student called me and asked where I where I was. I told him that I called my doctor's assistant that I would be coming in a little late. He kept asking me stupid questions like what time I would get to the hospital, how far did I live from the hospital, etc. He made me page him when I got to the admissions office.

They haven't done much since I got here. It's just normal saline going into an IV for now. I'm scheduled to go into surgery for a central line around 10:30 (it's past 10:30 now). Hopefully, they'll be able to start the plasmaphersis this afternoon. The senior resident told me that the surgery should take 45 minutes but I'll be in the OR a little longer because of anesthesia and everything. They might not put me to sleep this time because they're afraid that my diffuculty breathing will lead to complications. I've had a central line before..I just wasn't conscious throughout the whole time. I can't have anything to eat or drink until after surgery, so I'm my stomach is growling like mad and my mouth is dry from thirst. This hospital stay is a little too reminiscent...*sigh* I'm still grateful I'm here though.

p.s.Oh, regarding the title of this post. I was poked so many times for labs because my IV is horrible at drawing blood. I just thought it was funny that one of the nurses yesterday called me a pushpin.

p.p.s. I hate having an IV in my hand. Sucks that the one in my forearm had to be taken out.

p.p.p.s.Gah, I need to breath.